So hard to believe. Me, counting points? When I was a teen, it was a constant battle to keep me over 100 pounds. I ate everything and anything I could get my hands on, including shakes and malts and egg nog, but I kept slipping below 100 pounds.
During my 20's, my metabolism started slipping. Simultaneously, I was eating better, or at least eating out more. More money leads to more food, not necessarily lean cuisine. By the time I turned 30, I'd shot up to 123. But my 30's were merciless. I gained 60 pounds while I was pregnant with my daughter, Erin. I lost all but 15 pounds of it overnight, but although I exercised regularly I never lost any of that last 15 pounds.
Next came back surgery, and all those casseroles from the church ladies, not to mention the cookies and cakes. Six weeks of that and I was up to 145. Here's the funny part: I thought I was fat.
Over the next two decades, another 10-15 pounds crept on slowly. I went up and down, but most of the time I was still under 160. I didn't think it could get much worse. And then I got sick and had to stop working. I gained 20 pounds in six months. At 180, I really thought there was no way I could gain any more weight. But over the next four years, another 20 pounds crept on, and two weeks ago when I checked in at the doctor's office, I weighed in at 206.
Wait! This can't be right. I'm the girl who had to drink malts to keep the weight on.
There is a day of reckoning, and with respect to weight, that day at the doctor's office was mine. So yes, I am counting points. It's an alternative to eating spontaneously, which I think is the point of the points. You have to count everything that goes in your mouth. This requires thought, attention, detail, looking things up, calculations, recording. So much for spontaneous.
I find myself looking forward to a big meal, but then when I try to eat it I find it is really too much food. Sometimes I get hungry during the day, but a couple of small plums, or a tomato and a string of cheese takes care of that, or maybe 23 almonds.
The best thing is that fat free milk is only 2 points for a whole 8 ounce glass. Ahhh. Life's little pleasures.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Paradox of "Don't Ask Don't Tell": It Creates The Problems It Is Supposed To Prevent
The ban on gays serving in the military is the law, and it's been deemed constitutional by our highest court. The "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy, however has been found to be unconstitutional. But repealing DADT won't solve the problem of discrimination against gays in our military. Only repealing the law will do that.
DADT came into being as a compromise solution the last time a sitting president (Clinton) moved for a repeal of the ban, in 1993. Last week Congress once again refused to consider changing the law, which essentially states that 1. Gays are unsuitable for military service, and 2. Their presence in the military would undermine operational efficiency, including morale, discipline, unit cohesion, etc.
These assumptions have been challenged. I would argue that there is prima facie evidence that the basis for the ban is invalid. Beyond that, enforcement of the ban creates the operational problems it is supposed to prevent.
Over 13,000 GLBT service members have been discharged under DADT, regardless of their service records and ongoing performance at or above established standards. There are undoubtedly many more GLBT service members who have not been identified, and who continue to serve with undisputed honor.
Elizabeth Witt's case clearly illustrates the disconnect between the current law and the reality on the ground. The court found that Witt's discharge, not her service, resulted in operational disruptions, including morale, discipline and unit cohesion, all negatively impacted by her dismissal. While she served, Witt had a positive impact in all of these areas.
It would appear the ban is based on concerns that are not borne out by actual experience. Given the military's stated purpose to preserve and enhance operational efficiency, experience demonstrates clearly that enforcement of the ban is counter-productive. The logic behind the ban is flawed. Worse yet, the ban amounts to unjustified discrimination against people purely on the basis of sexual orientation.
One key facet in the rationale for the ban is that heterosexual service members will be uncomfortable knowing there are GLBT members in their own units. The possibility of being seen naked by a GLBT service member, who might find you sexually desirable is given as an example.
The fact that there are GLBT members in all branches of our military service is well-established. What this means is that there are already persons of various sexual orientations sharing the military life together, including incidentally some nudity. Despite this fact, the current forces seem to be functioning without difficulty. To what extent would knowing (that a fellow soldier is GLBT) vs. not knowing change what is an already well-established ease and ability to function together among our military personnel? There is one way to find out.
It appears our populace is ready for the undertaking. Surveys and polling of both the general population and the military yield almost identical results, indicating that about three-fourths of all Americans support allowing GLBT people to serve openly in the military.
There is an old proverb that says, "If it's not broken, don't fix it." The ban on gays serving in the military is a perfect example of what happens when this proverb is ignored. It's time to recognize that sexual orientation just is not related to successful performance in the military. Thinking it was, well that was just a mistake. It's time to cut our losses, and put this law in our past, where it belongs.
DADT came into being as a compromise solution the last time a sitting president (Clinton) moved for a repeal of the ban, in 1993. Last week Congress once again refused to consider changing the law, which essentially states that 1. Gays are unsuitable for military service, and 2. Their presence in the military would undermine operational efficiency, including morale, discipline, unit cohesion, etc.
These assumptions have been challenged. I would argue that there is prima facie evidence that the basis for the ban is invalid. Beyond that, enforcement of the ban creates the operational problems it is supposed to prevent.
Over 13,000 GLBT service members have been discharged under DADT, regardless of their service records and ongoing performance at or above established standards. There are undoubtedly many more GLBT service members who have not been identified, and who continue to serve with undisputed honor.
Elizabeth Witt's case clearly illustrates the disconnect between the current law and the reality on the ground. The court found that Witt's discharge, not her service, resulted in operational disruptions, including morale, discipline and unit cohesion, all negatively impacted by her dismissal. While she served, Witt had a positive impact in all of these areas.
It would appear the ban is based on concerns that are not borne out by actual experience. Given the military's stated purpose to preserve and enhance operational efficiency, experience demonstrates clearly that enforcement of the ban is counter-productive. The logic behind the ban is flawed. Worse yet, the ban amounts to unjustified discrimination against people purely on the basis of sexual orientation.
One key facet in the rationale for the ban is that heterosexual service members will be uncomfortable knowing there are GLBT members in their own units. The possibility of being seen naked by a GLBT service member, who might find you sexually desirable is given as an example.
The fact that there are GLBT members in all branches of our military service is well-established. What this means is that there are already persons of various sexual orientations sharing the military life together, including incidentally some nudity. Despite this fact, the current forces seem to be functioning without difficulty. To what extent would knowing (that a fellow soldier is GLBT) vs. not knowing change what is an already well-established ease and ability to function together among our military personnel? There is one way to find out.
It appears our populace is ready for the undertaking. Surveys and polling of both the general population and the military yield almost identical results, indicating that about three-fourths of all Americans support allowing GLBT people to serve openly in the military.
There is an old proverb that says, "If it's not broken, don't fix it." The ban on gays serving in the military is a perfect example of what happens when this proverb is ignored. It's time to recognize that sexual orientation just is not related to successful performance in the military. Thinking it was, well that was just a mistake. It's time to cut our losses, and put this law in our past, where it belongs.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
PPS Flare-ups Suck!
According to the statistics I've found, post-polio nerve loss and accompanying functional decline progresses at an average rate of 3% per year. If it was gradual, this might not be too big a deal. But it's not gradual. On the contrary, in my experience nerve loss occurs in periodic spikes, separated by significant periods of stasis. This pattern is consistent over 15 years.
Periods of stasis can be a year or longer...long enough for you to get comfortable with your current neuro-muscular system. Then, for no apparent reason there is a flare-up. Of course, you could induce a flare-up through overuse abuse, which is PPS talk for pushing your compromised neuro-muscular system beyond its capacity. When that happens, you get the really big flare-ups, and your average nerve loss will be about 10% per year.
But even in the absence of overuse abuse, flare-ups happen. And even a 3% nerve loss in your polio-affected body parts is going to hurt. Not only does nerve loss hurt in and of itself, but the muscles those nerves were serving are being abandoned. Even moderate muscle loss puts a strain on the remaining functional muscle tissue. This results in strained muscles and strained muscles hurt too. Never mind the stress on joints, which is cumulative.
I can get pretty bummed when I'm having a PPS flare-up. The most important thing to remember is that it will end. When it ends, you still have to figure out where your neuro-muscular system has landed and adjust your lifestyle once again to avoid overuse abuse. But it does end.
Periods of stasis can be a year or longer...long enough for you to get comfortable with your current neuro-muscular system. Then, for no apparent reason there is a flare-up. Of course, you could induce a flare-up through overuse abuse, which is PPS talk for pushing your compromised neuro-muscular system beyond its capacity. When that happens, you get the really big flare-ups, and your average nerve loss will be about 10% per year.
But even in the absence of overuse abuse, flare-ups happen. And even a 3% nerve loss in your polio-affected body parts is going to hurt. Not only does nerve loss hurt in and of itself, but the muscles those nerves were serving are being abandoned. Even moderate muscle loss puts a strain on the remaining functional muscle tissue. This results in strained muscles and strained muscles hurt too. Never mind the stress on joints, which is cumulative.
I can get pretty bummed when I'm having a PPS flare-up. The most important thing to remember is that it will end. When it ends, you still have to figure out where your neuro-muscular system has landed and adjust your lifestyle once again to avoid overuse abuse. But it does end.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
finally found what I've been looking for
As a writer, I have struggled with writing groups and classes where only positive feedback is given. If I wanted nothing more than positive strokes, I would show my work to friends and family. I wouldn't even bother with other writers or writing teachers. It's taken several years, but finally I've found both a writers group and a writing workshop where constructive criticism is the main course, and I can't get enough.
Intelligent responses from a variety of perspectives is the most helpful contribution that can be made to a writer. That is, if that writer is committed to producing the highest quality of work they are capable of; if what's at stake is the work, and not the writer's ego.
I'm very happy today to occupy a seat in a room of writer's who tell you what they really think.
Intelligent responses from a variety of perspectives is the most helpful contribution that can be made to a writer. That is, if that writer is committed to producing the highest quality of work they are capable of; if what's at stake is the work, and not the writer's ego.
I'm very happy today to occupy a seat in a room of writer's who tell you what they really think.
Defaulting on the "Default World"
"That's just the way it is." I've heard this many times, mainly when the narrator has no answer to that pesky question, "Why?" When I hear this, I don't stop inquiring. Rather, my inquiry takes on new dimension. I hear the angels calling. The skies open and the air is fresher than it was a moment before.
Because when I hear resignation, when we reach a limit in our understanding, when there is no other option apparent, for me there's an invitation, an opening to look outside the box, if you will, of the taken-for-granted "default" world. I get excited.
If we can agree that the "world as we know it" is just one possibility, then we can look beyond the way things are now to see what could be. It's a ticket for a ride on the luck dragon.
Imagination is exploration, to which we bring all that we are and all that we hope. It also helps to have like-minded friends to journey with.
A few weeks ago, I gathered with fellow explorers in the desert of northwest Nevada, a state I normally avoid on principle, for an annual celebration of original thought, risk-taking and freedom of expression known as Burning Man.
If you're not familiar with Burning Man, it's an annual gathering of artists and free spirits that transforms a dry lake bed in Nevada into Black Rock City for eight days each August.
It is almost universally agreed that Burning Man can't be explained, defies description and must be experienced first hand. I tend to agree, as much as I agree with anything. Burning Man happens outside the box of the default world. By "default" I mean the world as it occurs to us the rest of the time, the world you see on TV and walk about in when you step outside your door, probably the same world you take for granted inside your home and inside your own head. The "real" world. It's the world we all agree on.
And then, there's Burning Man: 50,000 people camping out for 8 days in a dust storm, in tents, in 100 degree heat, without water, power, internet, deodorant, TV or newspapers. Plagued by "playa hair" and "playa feet," lining up for outhouses. Sounds like something that sheriff in Arizona would design as a punishment for law-breakers. But these people paid dearly for the privilege, and you can see by the smiles on their faces that they're getting their money's worth.
And what are they getting? In the most basic and rudimentary sense, they are getting a much-needed break from the default world. In fact, the more inconsistent things on the playa are with the "real" world, the better burners like it.
There are funny clothes, or no clothes, upside-down flags and countless ways to play. There is music and fire art, and art cars and a party that doesn't stop until people drop. But more-importantly, there's no money: no wampum, no bartering, no exchanges of any kind. There is no profit on the playa. There is no scarcity on the playa. No hunger. No thirst.
But there is giving, and there is sharing. And there is abundance.
And it is in the "Gift Economy" that Burning Man truly departs from the "real" world and strikes out into new territory.
Burners take gifting seriously. They plan for it, wondering not what will I get at Burning Man, but rather what will I give? The best gifts are personal and consist of giving yourself to others, although alcohol and food are highly prized.
I give Reiki treatments. After your treatment, I help you select a stone from my bowl of stones, and then I wire wrap it and make you a necklace. Some of my camp mates give foot baths, deep-tissue massage, morning prayers and giggle therapy. People come to our camp for healing and tender loving care. We have it and we give it. At night, we dress in our playa finery and go out on the town, the temporary town that is Burning Man.
Just down the street from our camp is one of our favorite bars. Free bars are one of the most popular types of camps on the playa. We drink, we dance, we hug the bartender and we wander out onto the playa. We stop at the quesadilla stand. We hop on the bus. It's how we have always dreamed a bus should be, plush with disco lights and loud music. We dance on the bus.
We wander through Black Rock City, getting lost on purpose, in the lights and the music and the art. Nobody cares what time it is. Nobody carries a wallet, money, I.D. or keys. We carry goggles and water and some t.p. and we light ourselves up with glow and LEDs. Sometime or other, we sleep some.
And at the end, we pack up our dusty belongings, our dish water, our shower water, our trash and we go back to the default world. And at that moment, as we line up eight across to leave the playa, we begin to count the days until the next burn, until we can come home again.
For us, for burners new and old, for burners who have never been to the playa, for all those who can't take "that's just the way it is" for an answer, the box is too small and one way or another, we will find a way out.
But what about the other 357 days of the year. Our default world is broken. We see this clearly as we return home from Burning Man. What is to be our gift to this world? Once our eyes are open, we have a duty I think, to keep them open, to share what we see and to offer whatever gifts we may contrive for the betterment of all.
Most of all, I think it's our job to ask the question "What if?" What if we took profit out of the economic equation? What if we chose our jobs, rather than being chosen for them? What if we stopped assuming there isn't enough to go around, and just tried acting as if there is plenty for everyone?
"Impossible!" shouts the default voice inside your head. I'm just saying, "what if?"
Because when I hear resignation, when we reach a limit in our understanding, when there is no other option apparent, for me there's an invitation, an opening to look outside the box, if you will, of the taken-for-granted "default" world. I get excited.
If we can agree that the "world as we know it" is just one possibility, then we can look beyond the way things are now to see what could be. It's a ticket for a ride on the luck dragon.
Imagination is exploration, to which we bring all that we are and all that we hope. It also helps to have like-minded friends to journey with.
A few weeks ago, I gathered with fellow explorers in the desert of northwest Nevada, a state I normally avoid on principle, for an annual celebration of original thought, risk-taking and freedom of expression known as Burning Man.
If you're not familiar with Burning Man, it's an annual gathering of artists and free spirits that transforms a dry lake bed in Nevada into Black Rock City for eight days each August.
It is almost universally agreed that Burning Man can't be explained, defies description and must be experienced first hand. I tend to agree, as much as I agree with anything. Burning Man happens outside the box of the default world. By "default" I mean the world as it occurs to us the rest of the time, the world you see on TV and walk about in when you step outside your door, probably the same world you take for granted inside your home and inside your own head. The "real" world. It's the world we all agree on.
And then, there's Burning Man: 50,000 people camping out for 8 days in a dust storm, in tents, in 100 degree heat, without water, power, internet, deodorant, TV or newspapers. Plagued by "playa hair" and "playa feet," lining up for outhouses. Sounds like something that sheriff in Arizona would design as a punishment for law-breakers. But these people paid dearly for the privilege, and you can see by the smiles on their faces that they're getting their money's worth.
And what are they getting? In the most basic and rudimentary sense, they are getting a much-needed break from the default world. In fact, the more inconsistent things on the playa are with the "real" world, the better burners like it.
There are funny clothes, or no clothes, upside-down flags and countless ways to play. There is music and fire art, and art cars and a party that doesn't stop until people drop. But more-importantly, there's no money: no wampum, no bartering, no exchanges of any kind. There is no profit on the playa. There is no scarcity on the playa. No hunger. No thirst.
But there is giving, and there is sharing. And there is abundance.
And it is in the "Gift Economy" that Burning Man truly departs from the "real" world and strikes out into new territory.
Burners take gifting seriously. They plan for it, wondering not what will I get at Burning Man, but rather what will I give? The best gifts are personal and consist of giving yourself to others, although alcohol and food are highly prized.
I give Reiki treatments. After your treatment, I help you select a stone from my bowl of stones, and then I wire wrap it and make you a necklace. Some of my camp mates give foot baths, deep-tissue massage, morning prayers and giggle therapy. People come to our camp for healing and tender loving care. We have it and we give it. At night, we dress in our playa finery and go out on the town, the temporary town that is Burning Man.
Just down the street from our camp is one of our favorite bars. Free bars are one of the most popular types of camps on the playa. We drink, we dance, we hug the bartender and we wander out onto the playa. We stop at the quesadilla stand. We hop on the bus. It's how we have always dreamed a bus should be, plush with disco lights and loud music. We dance on the bus.
We wander through Black Rock City, getting lost on purpose, in the lights and the music and the art. Nobody cares what time it is. Nobody carries a wallet, money, I.D. or keys. We carry goggles and water and some t.p. and we light ourselves up with glow and LEDs. Sometime or other, we sleep some.
And at the end, we pack up our dusty belongings, our dish water, our shower water, our trash and we go back to the default world. And at that moment, as we line up eight across to leave the playa, we begin to count the days until the next burn, until we can come home again.
For us, for burners new and old, for burners who have never been to the playa, for all those who can't take "that's just the way it is" for an answer, the box is too small and one way or another, we will find a way out.
But what about the other 357 days of the year. Our default world is broken. We see this clearly as we return home from Burning Man. What is to be our gift to this world? Once our eyes are open, we have a duty I think, to keep them open, to share what we see and to offer whatever gifts we may contrive for the betterment of all.
Most of all, I think it's our job to ask the question "What if?" What if we took profit out of the economic equation? What if we chose our jobs, rather than being chosen for them? What if we stopped assuming there isn't enough to go around, and just tried acting as if there is plenty for everyone?
"Impossible!" shouts the default voice inside your head. I'm just saying, "what if?"
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